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You know that guy who is always popular with the ladies? As you may have heard, that’s a fallacy. Men, women, and even animals frequently make mistakes about what’s attractive, and they have built-in fail safes in case they don’t get the message. Everyone thinks they can be charming; even the opposite sex. We are also prone to responding favorably to positive traits that we subconsciously associate with our own traits.

That’s why we are naturally drawn to certain occupations, careers, and hobbies. Think about your closest friends and their interests. Do they have a particular employer they like, or they tend to spend more time with people who are just like them? We may not have taken a course on human mating, but our brains have a way of filling in the blanks.

Some of us have personal traits we think are attractive and others we think are unattractive. For example, some of us think that being overweight or overly thin are unattractive, while others think the exact opposite. Sometimes we think that kind of sartorial choice is more important than others. Let’s take a look at some of the ways we make things up in the interest of being attractive and avoid being viewed as unappealing.

1. You Think You’re Good Looking

“Looks are in the eye of the beholder.” This is basically a polite way of saying that no two people have the same ideas about what is attractive. We all have our own idea of what is attractive. If you think that you don’t, think back to your adolescent years. I’m pretty sure that if someone had told you at 14 or 15 that you would grow up to be really good looking, you would have flat out denied that.

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Yes, you might have had crushes on cute, chubby girls with braces who wore flannel pajamas, but that’s because you were a part of a society where being overweight is associated with depression and being thin with eating disorders. Like it or not, society’s idea of what is attractive was hammered into you, and you may never be able to shake it. So if you’re turned off by what you see in the mirror, just ask yourself this: If you think that you’re not attractive, is it because you think that the world thinks that you’re not attractive, or is
How to Get Ready for Your Next Date

Open and Confident Pose

Move your right leg in front of your body, bend it 90 degrees at the knee, and place your right heel at the bottom of the knee crease, with your right toes pointing upward. The toe of the foot closest to your body should be higher than the toes farthest away from your body.

Bring your left arm at a 45-degree angle across your waist, with your hand on the center of your body. Place your left palm on top of your head and pull your shoulders back.

Don’t Stare

Standing in this pose, it’s likely that you’ll look up at your date’s face. But, like dancing, gazing into their eyes isn’t your most attractive quality. This relationship poses a couple of issues: One, you’re unlikely to get anywhere close to asking your dream guy to be your boyfriend, and two, you’re not going to be able to gauge how your date is actually feeling unless you bring your eyes to his. Don’t look at your date while they’re talking to you, as you’re likely to be staring. (Don’t stare either, and don’t ask them to make eye contact with you.)

Watch My Legs

There’s a pretty good chance that while you’re standing there, you’re going to be looking over at your date’s legs in some way, shape, or form. (If you look up at them, you’ll just stare at their faces.)

If they’re, say, wearing a pair of jeans, you’ll likely look at the side of their knee, then the bottom of their leg, then the top. This is done by looking below their knee. (If they’re wearing a skirt, you’re likely to look at the calves.) That’s because it’s the most interesting part of their leg.

The most interesting parts are the sides of the knee and the calves. Photo by Steven Senne.

If your date is wearing a dress, you’re likely to just stare at their thighs, because, you know, if you do that you might get anywhere.

Take Your Time

Go ahead and do this pose for a minute. If you have an uncomfortable experience, you might be able to use it as a major talking point or, at the very least, as a point of conversation starter. If they’re not into it, you’ll have to find something to say.


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